10 Ways to Respond to a Disrespectful Grown Child

Parenting is a tough job. Often, guidance is required to navigate it successfully. As children mature, they often outgrow the urge or desire to disrespect their parents for childlike and trivial reasons. However, some continue these behaviors toward others, even as grown adults. When that happens, many parents are confused and frustrated over how to respond. Luckily, they can take steps to correct and stop enabling this behavior.

Read on to learn ten practical ways to respond to a disrespectful grown child.

Reasons for Disrespectful Behavior in Grown Children

Disrespect is disregard for others, rules or authority. Disrespectful behavior can take many forms, such as ignoring boundaries, insulting sarcasm, refusing to listen, interrupting and being dismissive. It is best to understand its underlying reasons to address disrespectful behavior in children effectively.

Possible reasons for disrespectful behavior in adult children include the following:

• Dysfunctional Family Structure: Growing up in a dysfunctional family environment often results in children developing unhealthy ways of interacting with others.
• Trauma History: A history of trauma, particularly from one’s family of origin, may make a person more likely to act disrespectfully. Trauma can influence how a child behaves towards others, especially those who have been part of their negative experiences.
• Personal Mental Health Concerns: Mental health can affect their behavior towards others, including their parents, especially if their mental condition symptoms are not treated or supported.
• Addiction: Addiction is the inability to stop using a chemical, drug, activity or substance despite it causing social, physical and psychological harm to the user. Substance misuse or addiction may negatively influence how people interact with others.
• Peer Influence: Peer pressure can sometimes influence people to act in ways they would not otherwise. Friends or social groups may encourage negative behavior, leading individuals to adopt attitudes and actions that are out of character. The desire to fit in or be accepted by peers can strongly impact behavior, even if it goes against their values or upbringing.
• Life Stressors: Various life stressors can negatively impact behavior. When children face significant changes or challenges, their stress levels can rise, affecting their interactions. This is especially true if the person lacks the tools or coping skills to manage stress. Without proper coping mechanisms, these stressors can negatively affect your children, making way for their disrespectful behavior.

How to Deal with a Disrespectful Grown Child

If your grown child is being disrespectful, try these ten techniques:

1. Stay Calm and Collected

When faced with disrespect, the first step is to stay calm. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that reacting with anger will only escalate the situation.

2. Call Out Disrespectful Behavior Respectfully

Instead of bottling up your feelings and eventually exploding, find a way to communicate them properly with your child. They may not even realize they are being disrespectful. Modeling healthy communication is essential, so approach the situation as respectfully as possible. You might say, “When you speak to me in that tone, I feel disrespected and hurt.” This way, you express your feelings calmly and clearly.

3. Listen with Compassion

Regardless of age, children want to feel seen and heard by their parents. Allow them to share their thoughts and feelings without interrupting. This goes a long way in validating their experiences. Healthy communication is the foundation of any strong relationship, and listening attentively is a part of that.

4. Pick Your Battles

If you constantly address every behavior issue with your grown child, it can be overwhelming for both of you. Instead of tackling everything at once, consider focusing on one or two key behaviors while temporarily letting others slide. For instance, address their disrespectful language toward you while not worrying too much if they forget to promptly call or text you back. Once you have addressed the main issue of disrespect, you can work on others gradually.

5. Set Realistic Boundaries

Establish healthy boundaries when addressing disrespectful behavior from children. This creates clear expectations for your child’s behavior. Define what behaviors are acceptable and which are not. Communicate these boundaries clearly and consistently enforce them with your grown child.

6. Encourage Independence

Empowering them to take ownership of their actions and choices can foster a sense of autonomy and self-respect. Allow them space to learn from their mistakes and grow, guiding them towards becoming self-sufficient adults. Giving them confidence in their abilities helps nurture their sense of independence and capability. This journey towards independence is beneficial to their personal development and growth.

7. Be Consistent

Consistency is essential to good parenting and addressing disrespectful behavior in adult children. Consistent boundaries and expectations provide stability, reducing unnecessary anxiety and uncertainty contributing to rude behavior. Consistency in your approach creates a reliable environment that supports your grown child’s emotional well-being and encourages respectful interactions.

8. Focus On the Present

While recurring disrespect can be upsetting, focus on the present moment and the specific situation. Dwelling on past situations will only escalate anger and frustration, and it is unfair to hold onto past actions when addressing issues. Instead, address the current behavior and work towards finding a resolution together. By focusing on the present, you can approach the situation with clarity and fairness, fostering healthier communication and understanding between you and your child.

9. Find the Root Cause

Behavior is a type of communication, and your grown child’s disrespectful actions might be their way of telling you something is wrong. It could mean they need help learning socially appropriate ways to manage anger, deal with frustration, and communicate effectively. Identify the underlying cause so you can resolve the issue effectively. By understanding what triggers their disrespectful behavior, you can address it more appropriately and help your child develop healthier coping mechanisms.

10. Examine If It Is a Cry for Help

When children exhibit disrespectful behavior, it could be a sign of underlying distress or desperation, mainly if it is out of character. They might be struggling to cope with the stress in their life and feel overwhelmed. Sometimes, they may require additional support from family or a trusted source.

At Paul Anderson Youth Home, we have provided a safe space for troubled youth since 1961. When confronted with disrespectful behavior, we understand the importance of guidance, support, and resilience. Our group home for teens and young adults offers a structured and nurturing environment where they can build a foundation for success. Contact us today to learn more.