Do you want to know how to lose your teen?
- Allow them to watch television whenever they want, preferably in their bedroom—and make sure they have unfettered access to MTV, HBO, Cinemax, and premium movies channels.
- Put a computer with a high speed Internet connection in their room or in a place where they can use it without your supervision.
- Respect their privacy—never go in their rooms, monitor their email, or check on their Internet activity.
- Don’t monitor, question or in any way restrict their music or entertainment consumption.
- Subscribe to Playboy or Penthouse and keep a Victoria’s Secret catalog on the coffee table.
- Allow them to have a “flexible curfew.
- Let them date early and often—preferably with older teens or young adults.
- Allow your daughters to dress like Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan when they go to school, or out with their friends.
- Encourage “Safe Sex,” give them condoms and put your daughters on birth control pills.
- Give them a lot of spending money but don’t make them responsible for any chores.
- Stay out of their social life and don’t ask questions about their friends.
- Avoid talking with the parents of their friends.
- Never talk about God, pray together or encourage them to participate in religious activities.
- Encourage them to drink responsibly.
- Allow them to work more than 20 hours per week, preferably the 4-to-midnight shift in a fast-food restaurant.
- Try to be their best friend.
- Work or volunteer as much as possible so you are seldom present when they come home from school or at dinner time.
- Encourage your kids to eat dinner whenever its convenient for them. When you do eat together, be sure to do it in front of the television.
- Avoid getting involved with their their school or talking with their teachers.
- Teach them to make moral decisions based on the circumstances or how they feel at the time.
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